If you're anything like me, you hate having down time. The word relax is not in your vocabulary. In fact, your own mother makes fun of you for always being "on the go". Also, insomnia is something you are very familiar with. I mean seriously though, how can you sleep when you could be doing something else wwaayyy more productive?!
About one month ago I left my miserable job and was forced to relax. This was the hardest thing I've had to do, and let me tell you, I've done a lot of hard tasks. The first week was like a vacation. I went to the beach, slept in, read two books, added a couple chapters to my own novel and I got to spend lots of time with friends. Week two was similar to the first with only a few bits of restlessness (huge, I know).
Week three however was a different story. Panic started to set in. How come the other job didn't call me back yet? Will I be unemployed for the rest of my life? Does everyone think I'm a failure? You get the idea. My restless brain and my need to be productive was at an all time high. This was the longest I have been without a job since I was 16!
One day after church I was speaking with my friend who asked me how the job hunt was going. He saw my face sink down to the ground and said he was praying for me. I immediately started to vent about how I'm bored and I'm feeling useless. With his sweet smile he said he understood and that he too struggled with feeling that at times. But what he said next is what really made an impact. He gently said, God sometimes forces us into moments of pause so we can listen to what He has to say (BOOM, brain exploded). It is to remind us that we are not the sum of all our accomplishments and achievements. We are worth more than all of them combined. He loves us no matter the state of life we are in!
It was in that moment of pause I realized my sense of worth was rooted in my accomplishments, NOT in God's love for me. I'm sure you have felt this way too at times. It's easy to get caught up in what the world says we should be doing. I mean, we see and hear it all day long. It's much harder to remember and have faith in something that is unseen, but trust me, He is guiding you to where you are meant to be. If only you take a moment to pause and listen.
Psalm 32:8 - The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise and watch over you."
Love you always,